Scared to Commit?

 

Scared to Commit?

The present generation has been struggling to find its anchoring. It is felt increasingly difficult to make an informed choice and to be able to commit to it. We are overwhelmed. There’s too much happening around us, we have way too many options to choose from. We are rapidly redefining our relationships, boundaries, and the ways in which we relate. We are far more sensitive to the fluidities in thought, individual proclivities and preferences. However, it is indeed hard to keep up with the change to figure out where one stands.

One major obstacle that we encounter as therapists in our work is either people’s resistance to commit, or the exact opposite – committing too soon. In either situation, there’s a disconnect between thoughts and feelings. This hurdle in our personal growth can appear in any area of life. Commitments, decisions, choices made – they come with the threat of finality, the realisation that – “if I choose this today, I can never have that ever again.” Committing to one possibility lapses all other possibilities, and the fear of missing out is far too great! Thus, we relegate ourselves to a state of eternal limbo, languishing in a half-baked existence. We feel petrified of moving in any one direction. On the other hand, we are also far more impulsive, often taking decisions without any premeditation. Our life is just as much a series of ignorant choices and decisions, leaving us with consequences that we hadn’t really accounted for.

These fears are often a result of our own unresolved hurts and psychic injuries. We’ve all witnessed suffering, many of us come from troubled or broken homes. Perhaps, the present generation is the one that refuses to suppress their hurt and pain. Yet, it is aching to find containment and holding. They are reaching out for support, but fear being abandoned or dropped. We see tremors of these hurts in the refusal to commit to anything at all, or jumping from one serious relationship to another. These fears create confusion, as we are consumed by thoughts, unable to get in touch with our deepest needs for succourance and aliveness. We constantly worry if something or someone is right for us. In therapy whenever a client says that they “don’t know” what they want, we always ask, “Do you really not know what you want?” We always know what we want, what we intuitively gravitate towards, what makes us alive – but we are terrified of it. Knowing comes with a problem – once you know, you cannot un-know. Since, we cannot un-know, not acting on the now known creates deep inner conflict and dissonance. Hence, we spend our lives running away not from the fear of unknown, but from the fear of knowing how much we’ll regret not acting on our dreams, hopes and aspirations.

My two cents. Commit. Take a chance on yourself. Commit to someone who loves you, that job that you always wanted, that dream you always wanted to manifest, that conversation you had been procrastinating, that skill that you always wanted to learn. It will be terrifying, but worth it. Ask yourself what you’ll regret more, sometimes that can bring in surprising clarity. Take time to know yourself. Understand your personal value system. Find ways, or seek help to release what has been holding you back from living your fullest potential. When our mind, body and spirit are in alignment, we act with awareness and tact. Then no decision is wrong, because we have courage to brave the consequences. Don’t put your life on hold anymore. Commit and Come Alive.

 

Medha Gupta

 

 

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  • Medha Gupta

    Medha is a practising Clinical Psychologist (M.A., M.Phil.) Founder & Director - Bija Mantra – Centre for Psychotherapy, Healing and Wellness

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1 Response

  1. Sweta says:

    Very well written Medha ! Most of the people are facing similar consequences. This write up will bring more clarity to their thoughts.

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